Revise Your Resume Crafters!

I have recently been thinking it's time to develop a resume. I haven't needed one for a very long time but here's something I think certain employers would appreciate:

Special Skills:

(1) Can knit a small felted bowl in 1 hour. This equals three completedly felted bowls per day, minimum.
(2) Can smell a yarn sale within 5 miles.
(3) Can completely re-decorate a house in hand-made doileys, fleece blankets, afghans and artfully arranged vases of unique and special knitting needles and/or crochet hooks.
(4) Excel at a frightning, lightning pace of 60 spm (stitches per minute)

Gotta be someone who'd like to hire me knowing this about me, don't you think? Imagine... since I'm a probate paralegal, I could knit for the dead!

Confessions of a Crafty Penguin

Blogs are supposed to be places where you bare your soul and share your innermost feelings. So here are some confessions of a crafty (mutant) penguin.

1. I am a yarn addict. I have way more yarn than I have planned projects. Does that stop me from ordering more from KnitPicks or from going to the LYS and picking up another ball or two? Of course not!

2. The first thing I think about after I finish budgeting for things like rent, the car payment and utilities is "Can I finally get those Options needles from KnitPicks?"

3. I do not have a "stash". I have a small personal yarn shop. I have enough crochet thread to wallpaper my 900 foot square half of a duplex and STILL cover every piece of furniture fully in doilies. I have enough yarn to make 8 felted bowls, 7 washcloths, 6 potholders, 5 baby blankets, 4 calling birds, 3 french hens, 2 turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree.

4. Since January of this year I have made 5 afghans, 16 felted bowls, 1 felted purse, 1 glitter purse, 3 doilies and have hanging around a partially finished roadkill, about 1/4 of an alpaca scarf and about 1/10 of a scarf which I have abandoned like the roadkill (hating 2 out of 3 UFOs is bad, isn't it?). But I confess to it.

5. I am frantic to find a project which works up quickly that I can do on size 11 straight needles because I am *dying* to use my penguin needles!

6. I cannot possibly knit if I have not had caffiene in one form or the other before attempting to knit. This means coffee first thing in the morning or chocolate milk. At night it's chocolate milk or a tootsie roll or reese's cup or... well, you get the idea.

7. I desperately need "YBA" or, as my friend Nanette calls it, just plain "KA". Yes... please... someone start a "Yarn Buyers Anonymous" or a "Knitter Anonymous".

And my final confession...

Even if you start one, I won't be able to bring myself to join. Not unless you let me knit during the sessions. :)